For the first time in months I find myself wide awake, with worries in my mind and a heavy heart. Wanting to reach out to the unforgivable, unattainable yearning that was allegedly forgotten and made a stranger to me  I now feel holding me. Gripping my being with a cold embrace I know all too well,  but bury deep.  Far beneath my surface so none of you will ever see that which is me.  That which is an abomination, a shame to let fly from my lips these feelings,  so here I am. Me and my pen alone once more, for another non judgmental session where I lay out my thoughts... without embarrassment. Where I allow my heavy heart to leak from my eyes, where I let my tears meet my obsession, meshing into blurred ink. Here is where I stand, this is my confession.

Free write...

Taking these nouns, adjectives and verbs forming what is later announced,
"Poetry"
Free floating, rising randomly from an overzealous twenty-something mind,
always in motion.
Never stopping, even in sleep it wanders...
wandering through the past,
wondering about the future.
Grasping desperately at ideas this mind of mines is persistent,
Ever going, never retiring to calm because a poets mind is never idle.
I am a sea of unorganized words, waiting for order to be formed just for this,
This that I find happiness and seek peace in.
This that some may call a "hobby", is to me much more than rhyming to show I can,
though I do take heed that in this field that is in high demand.
I overlook it, why?
Cause I am my own and need no guidelines for this rawness that is ME,
need no limits within my notebook, nor hesitation in my right hand.
Holding my pen I defeat it all.
I am escape.
I am adventure.
Where do you wish to go?
What do you wish to be?
I can create it all, right here in my mind.

Crazy week, Poetic weekend

 I'd like to leave u with a small excerpt from one of my personal pieces. This is untitled at the moment;

".....I am beauty in its rarest form,

I am nappy hair with pride that runs deep.
I am woman,
can't you see?
I ain't JUST pretty brown eyes, 
or ANOTHER "sexy" lady.
I am WOMAN,
I am short and sweet. 
I am a mesmerizing smile that seduces men without words when I bare my pearl white teeth.
I AM WOMAN,
no one compete!..."




This is just a little piece of my work that I am very fond of and once copyrighting is complete, will be more than happy to post in full. :) Happy wknd to you all! Follow me on Twitter @EnunciatedInk

        

Fairy Tale Ending to a Nightmare

I never had a once upon a time to tell.
Never been met at the driveway by a white horse carrying my so called, "Prince Charming", as I checked my mail,
But...
Once upon a time, I believed he could be whatever I dreamed.
I believed that if I pushed past the irony and dark forests of tears I would one day be able to get
what I once wished,
upon a star...
what I once blew out my birthday candles to...
But I was a girl in love alone,
made to believe I was deceived by the fairy tales and loving couples on tv.
With dreams too big to be considered realistic,
Cause "ALL men cheat",
and "roses only come on holidays",
"Love is NEVER unconditional",
"all things fade."
"Nothing lasts forever",
And all the other ugly things "they" say.
That ugly fraudulent truth,
that bitter negative view,
made up by other women who were burned just like me, but never recovered to disprove their own hurtful thoughts.
THAT became my reality.
So much so it consumed my being, it smothered what was left of me
and brought this heart that once burned bright and lit up my soul, to cold...
Yeah, my once upon a time is far from perfect and even sad some may say,
but not long after I'd given up, a stranger crossed my path and chose to stay.
Respectfully,
without vulgarity, he speaks to me.
As a woman, not another set of measurements and THIS pleases me.
I can't resist, these smiles he's giving me.
His patience with a woman still trying to defrost her heart and close her wounds.
Here in my arms is all I thought I'd ever have to love.
My son;
Only man I vowed to ever give ink to on these pages again,
or trust.
Yet I find myself waking to this unsuspected stranger thinking of me,
caring about me...
Something "they" told me ALL men were incapable of,
Imagine that.
I'm truly missed by a being "they" say is only capable of yearning for what lies beneath my waist,
yet he does this without ever having me,
He shows me his feelings without forcing me to rush my pace.
I can't help but reciprocate throughout the day.
He makes my frowns and headaches go,
if only for the moment...
Its both amazing and terrifying to FEEL again, Brand new.
Because...
Once Upon a time, my white picket fence got burned down,
but the memories are starting to fade.
Now I'm strong enough to accept that my "Once Upon A Time" never came,
And despite what "they" told me, I'm in the midst of writing a new chapter,
ready to change the page with him cause he may just be my "Happily Ever After"

Scared of Lonely

The lights are out, so I lit candles and as I watched the flames dance
I was reminded of a dwindling romance.
One that has lots of laughter,
great sex,
but no chance.
Two free spirits,
one puling away and one pushing to breathe as one breath,
share one heartbeat with ease, in one chest
and a child who sleeps soundly while his mommy tries to think of how to make him surpass,
where mommy and daddy made it to, but didn't last.
She wonders if the two of them will last.
Her and this single minded man she loves that is,
so much they don't see eye to eye on.
So much time gone.
She wonders if it's still worth the time she'll have to take healing to walk away after all these years.
Taken through more than most are willing,
yet her anger STILL doesn't overcome the tears.
There it is,
the reason why she can't leave,
the reason why she ignores all of what he does even after every cheat,
even though she's tired of the rage and tears running down her cheeks.
Her heart battles her common sense to let her know,
leaving him would make her miserably lonely,
she cant let him go.
Regardless of everything he does,
regardless of all the reasons she speaks, feels and thinks of
She stays cause deep down she's still in love with love.

Another Welcome :)

Thank you to those of you who found your way here because of my posts on FB or Twitter, and there will be some new pieces coming soon. Until then, enjoy what I do have and stay tuned for more....

The Permeable Membrane: A Look Into the Unconditional Love of a Woman

This is one of my favorite quotes from  one of my favorite movies. It  is an extremely good look into the heart of MOST women. I believe we ALL have been here:

“Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that’s not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into

the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my

dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

I do not relay these facts about myself with pride, but this is how it’s always been.

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

My Favorite Poem Ever!!! Phenomenally....

 Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Maya Angelou

Untitled

It feels as if you're slowly leaving me,
as if I'm being prepared for the grief.
With no words said between us at these long trying times in my life;
and yours...
but what is a woman to do when all she knows as "strength"  is being destroyed?
She learns to cope,
on her own.
She learns how to sit on someone else's stoop with her child,
for hours because she didn't have a phone,
to call and say, "I'm at your house, I just need to talk".
She sits and waits all alone instead
with nothing left but her scars to show,
she lets her pride go,
because she now realizes her child won't wait.
Clothes, food, and tears won't wait while she gets to know.
That baby she birthed will continue to grow.
Even if she mentally and emotionally don't.
His needs come first,
so he'll continue to hurt.
With her,
until she learns that man just can't be what she needs.
But see, that child STILL has needs.
yet he has to wait in the cold,
while his mommy smokes on someone else's stoop to clear her mind and help her heart break free.
Sitting here looking at her biggest blessing she still can't find relief,
so she just waits and wipes his little nose with just her sleeve.
Finding herself lost in his eyes it becomes clearer and clearer
til she finally realizes that her so called "LIFE"
is now his
and he can't hold off until she becomes some teen aged love wiz.
He'll hurt with her
until she sees,
that life now isn't all about that man or her emotional siege.

Loving Myself

I just wanted to share a piece of my work with you, hope u enjoy it….

I am nothing short of Fabulous,

I speak LOUD,

with an untamable boldness and a sassy tongue.

I raise my child on my own and without much…

Mommy STILL makes it happen.

I am almost done with my first degree.

Late or not, I’m achieving my dream!

I carry myself like a lady,

speak wisdom as a woman should

and STILL know how to have a good time….

Yeah, I’m pretty fuckin’ Fabulous!

I am classic chic.

I am modern with antique value.

I need no appraisal, I KNOW my worth.

Keep your opinions to yourself cause I ain’t listening no how.

Shit, I stopped caring about what others thought of me back in grade school.

Upgrade who??

Mr, understand there is nothing you can offer me that I’m not already equipped with.

and anything you can buy,  

I’m willing to work an honest day for IF I even want it.

I don’t let a man “complete” me, I let ‘em accent my already Fab nature

Cause in case u can’t tell, I’m pretty Fabulous all on my own.

I stand tall with the heaviest of burdens resting on my neck,

Because make no mistake,

Like I keep tellin’ everybody, I was made to be great!

Through obstacles and dark clouds, I see my success shining through like the sun, so I push past like immovable objects don’t exist,

only ever stopping to work them out in my mind.

My wounds will heal,

Battle scars will no longer be revealed,

but the lessons they brought me will stay in light.

I'll acknowledge my mistakes, but STILL

I’ll walk with my head held high,

chest out and smile bright.

Cause when it’s all said and done, I only have me to love.

I only have me to keep my self esteem where it need be,

Just ME, to trust.

Just me that I owe to do in life everything that I must.

Only my opinion of me matters…

And I think I’m pretty fuckin’ Fabulous!